Coming up For Air.

My journey of self discovery.

I took a hiatus a long one at that from my writing but I have come back with a new and better home. I want to apologize to my ardent readers followers and supporters of my messy ramblings , especially those who kept asking when I’d be back, well, I am back now and we can hopefully pick up from where we left at. I know, I sound like a lover who packed and left and  is back expecting to be welcomed with the same warmth and love as was before they upped. Hey, A girl has to try sometimes…    My mum played a huge role in getting me back on this track  as she is always pushing me to do more and better.  I am happy to be back to pen my thoughts, observations,  and all those good things. I promise to try and stop being an on and off lover with this relationship. Forgiven? I will take that as a yes.

While I was away I delved into a journey of self discovery and finding my purpose. I looked back into all the experiences that shaped and continue to shape who I am as a person. It is not an easy journey that one, trying to figure out who I really am  slowed me down. I realized as we progress in life we sometimes lose the threads that make us and I most certainly had lost a few of mine. I went back to my basics, to all the things that I had loved to do for years before life became ‘kawaida’ and at the same time took up new hobbies to better myself. I revisited most or all of my life choices and confusion together with his sister self doubt creeped in. I couldn’t figure out if most of the choices I had made earlier were affecting who I was as a person, things like did I even study the right course in Campus gave me sleepless nights but the past is what it is.

I have cut out people from my life who are always taking from me. We have all had the one sided relationship-friends that do all the taking and never the giving. They drain out your joy and dump all their negative energy on you, You are left dealing with pain that was never yours. I have met heaven sent people, who see me for me and encouraged me through my rough patches. People who give without expecting anything in return, people who have looked at me and seen the hurt in my eyes and worked tirelessly to help me out of my cocoon. They have made me fearless by acknowledging  and helping me validate my feelings. I have learned to ask for help without feeling week or judged, I am not where I need to be but it is a work in progress and that is all that counts.

I am slowly regaining my magic and  re-learning to walk again by owning up to myself and my beliefs. I refuse to allow or let people define who I am anymore by peeling away from both social and cultural mandates, and the little boxes laid out by the society about who I should or shouldn’t be, do or shouldn’t do they are becoming a thing of the past. And boy, Ain’t I happy.  I will keep watering myself by giving myself love, care and effort. I realized that safety is the hardest prison and I will keep pushing to ensure I am not stuck at one particular state for too long.
I came across a few quotes along my journey that resonated with me on a personal level and I will have them down here to remind myself and also you reading this blog that we can always achieve what we set out to do.

i. ”Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves” Henry David  Thoreau

ii. ”Get out of your head and get into your heart. Think less, feel more.” Osho

iii. This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day thou canst not then be false to any man”  Shakespeare

I will keep investing my time into the things that make me happy and so should you, Life is too short to be miserable.

After that long a first post, keep it locked for more creative content.

Ciru Njuguna.

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